Monday, September 29, 2008


I couldn't believe my ears! Today, amidst a steadily faltering stock market, the House of Representatives voted DOWN the Wall Street bailout package.

I got a boner like a haven't in years. Seriously. It was like I'd downed a bottle of Cialis and buried myself into a cocoon of MILF Hunter delights. Hell, I could've punched through layers of granite with that thing!

It's a good day to be American, my readership. For the first time in a long time, Congress has listened to our demands and voted down an unpopular bill.

I'm just amazed. I expected this bailout to be done and over with today, expected to pay 3 grand or so to pull it off, and here I've got this carte blanche extension allowing me to say whatever I want for the next week or so without repercussion, because there's no way in hell Congress will get a bill together and pass it in that much time. Support is waning on the Hill and gaining in my boxers! Huzzah!

So, let's keep this boner going! Stay on our leaders in Congress! Don't send Wall Street the wrong message! No to blank checks! No to taxpayer bailouts! Yes to oversight and prosecution!

Your time is OVER, fat cats! We're going to hunt you down, take your assets and sell them wholesale to the American people! The bonfires will burn bright with rich, plump carcasses! 

You hear that fire crackling, Paulson? Your fat ass is next on the fire! We'll render you into biofuel in no time.