Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Can Be a Real Jerk Sometimes

Last night, I dreamed I went to the movie theatre to see Avatar. The theatre was somewhat like the one in Edgartown, Martha's Vineyard, where you've got to go up a rather dark, red-carpeted stairway to get to the ticket counter and what not.

But there the similarities ended. Turned out this theatre also sold Chinese food.

A pleasant surprise.

A waiter asked if I'd like anything. I ordered some General Tsao's chicken, spring rolls, and a Tsing Tao.

Then I went to the ticket counter. To my surprise, Jackie Chan was the ticket guy! He was wearing the classic, black tie cinema outfit... white shirt, black bow tie, vest. I was starstruck. I'm a big fan of his, though some of his films are pretty corny.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

"One for... Avatar, please," I stammered.

Jackie seemed hurt by my request. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather see The Spy Next Door?"

The Spy Next Door... hmm... wasn't that something like Vin Diesel's The Pacifier?

Weak.

"Umm... no. One for Avatar, please."

Jackie looked like when he got smashed in the balls with a bottle of booze in the very entertaining Rumble in the Bronx. I felt awful, but really didn't want to watch his latest Disney-type movie.

Finally, after what seemed like two tense hours, he reluctantly gave me my ticket. I walked in. Sat in the theatre. The lights went down.

As the movie started up, I bit into a spring roll. They'd given me egg rolls instead.

2 comments:

Beth said...

I love this! Chinese food in the movie theater sounds outstanding. It was probably a little over priced, but did they still gave you enough to feed the whole row right? I've never been to that movie theater but I was picturing the Avon in Providence.

Anyway, why are you being mean to Jackie Chan huh? I kept expecting zombies to pop out.

Spooky Sean said...

Jackie Chan used to be cool.
I wish he'd go back to jumping out of shit, and breaking bones, and then showing that footage at the end of his films.