Thursday, September 18, 2008

On Texting and Operating Heavy Machinery

Like most red-blooded Americans, I thoroughly enjoy text messaging. I do it everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

Texting really comes in handy when you're doing something that makes talking uncomfortable. For example, perhaps you're dropping a deuce and really need to update a significant other of your, "B there in 15" status. It's easier and quicker to punch out a text than to call and explain, amidst boisterous flatulence, that you'll be there as soon as possible.

Why? Because yesterday's Mexican was absolutely refusing to stop sloppily hopping the anal border.

Ahh, the invasions of alien bacterium. Delicious.

Point is, there are many times and places for texting, and very few where you absolutely should not. However, you should not perform any actions (other than those involuntary actions like the one mentioned above) while texting. Texting and driving just don't mix. And there's the recent LA train crash, where the conductor is suspected of texting just before the deadly collision that killed him and 24 others.

Hell, you shouldn't even try to text and walk at the same time. Recent studies out of London and The University of Texas have shown that more and more people are suffering serious injuries from slamming into inanimate objects while texting and walking, never mind operating trains, planes, or automobiles.

So please: Practice safe text. Do it from the shitter.

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