Thursday, May 7, 2009


I have this friend. Great person.

One problem though. This person doesn't have a bullshit filter. Anything and everything that pops into this person's mind propels out and runs through my auditory canal like a hardcore squirt of fiery hot diarrhea, plopping and splattering forcefully into my brain like one of those horrorshow swine flu dumps that depth charges into the toilet bowl and blasts shitty water all over your butt cheeks. Just the thought of another of my friend's soliloquies has me actually desiring h1n1 infection.

Put simply, I'd rather puke and shit myself to death than listen to another diatribe about race relations and welfare, "opposite marriage", or how autism sufferers are "just faking it".

Yet, I'd take a million of my friend's scalding hot bouts of ultra conservative verbal dysentery before spending another day scanning the irrelevant Facebook updates page. Or worse: Tweeting.

(A disclaimer: To this day, I've never used Twitter. And I never will. From what I've seen and heard, it's something media outlets are attempting to push on America as the next big thing in social networking. Guess what: Something that basically amounts to the Facebook updates page minus the stupid apps and quizzes and plus a 140 character limit isn't the next big thing. It's texting. And everyone knows texting is so passe. Sexting is what's in. All the kids are doing it.)

So please: Before you go and update your Facebook status, or Tweet about how you're going to nap ("I'm sweepy") before going to the gym ("To git buff!") and renting Quantum of Solace (because you're just so alone), stop. Take some time to think about what you're going to post.

Because there's a good chance your nonsensical Too Much Information flood will send someone into meltdown.

Wait. That's a good line. I better post that to my Facebook page.

(Another disclaimer: I know zero people who Tweet. Or do I? You tell me.)


beth said...

I think the Twitter thing is going to fade away pretty quickly. I just joined this week when a friend requested - figured I'd check it out. It's... boring. I kind of like the updates from sites etc. that I look at - but it is totally unnecessary and I can do that on my own. I don't see it lasting.

Craig said...

agreed. goodbye twitter.