After months of speculation, the UK's Telegraph has reported that Conservative shock jock Rush Limbaugh has decided to put his money where his mouth is and run for the presidency in 2012. This puts Limbaugh on a collision course with Barack Obama. And that's what Limbaugh's been asking for since the 44th President took office.
"I've been demanding debates, numerous town halls, with Obama since he took office, and that coward has dodged me at every turn. By tossing my hat into the presidential fray, Obama can avoid me no longer. I can't wait to tear him to shreds on the national stage."
A reporter from the NY Times posited that President Obama may be busy with too many actual issues to debate Rush. The pundit replied, "Typical liberal rhetoric." He shook his head. "The liberal media has such a hard-on... (inaudible)... wanting a black president to do well. I hope he fails."
A reporter from the Post followed up. "What does being black have to do with it?"
Rush shrugged. "You know what I mean. The liberal media just puts this guy on a pedestal because he's black. If he were white, the media love affair would be over by now. Just because he's a darkie, they're in love with this guy. You know what I mean. I'll talk about it more during the debates."
When asked whether he'd lose weight to look more attractive on camera, Limbaugh was mum. "I'm not saying I'll lose weight, and I'm not saying I won't gain weight, either. That's it. No more questions." With that, and a jiggle of his ponderous man-boobs, Limbaugh waddled away to devise his master strategy.