STILL undecided?

Like most, I watched the debate this week. Heard all about "Joe the Plumber" and how Obama's tax plan was supposedly going to hurt him.

You know, I wish I was a plumber. I hear they make 250 grand a year.

Heard all about Bill Ayers.

Irrelevant.

And watched McCain's numerous sneers and grimaces. Looked like the Crypt Keeper squirted a few squirrels into his colostomy bag while on that stage.

After it was all over, I stayed up and watched the debate recaps. What interests me most about these things are the interviews with undecided voters.

I just don't get undecided voters. After 2 years of campaigning, thousands of stump speeches, and debate upon debate, you'd think everyone had picked a candidate by now.

Un-fucking-believably, this is just not the case. Some people are still sitting on the picket fence, willfully impaling their assholes on splintered stakes. These intellectuals "want to hear more" from the candidates.

More? Are you shittin' me? After three hour and a half long fucking debates, you need to hear more? You undecided voters are the most fucking moronic people in existence.

Put it this way. You go into a restaurant. Order breakfast. Breakfast comes with toast. White or wheat. That's it. You can't have both. You have to choose between the two.

Or go without.

Actually, that's the best choice you undecideds can make this election. If you haven't figured out the difference between Obama and McCain by now, don't bother choosing.

Come election day, stay at home. Because if I catch some undecided nutjob waffling back and forth, muttering "McCain", and, "Obama", in front of my polling station, I'm going to do what any concerned person should do: Call the police and tell them there's a suspicious schizo muttering nonsense in front of a polling station. Because the last thing we need is a bunch of coin-flipping idiots deciding this election.

We all remember what that earned us in 2000.