Thursday, December 18, 2008

One Tiny Step Forward After a Giant Leap Back

In what can only be described as a bittersweet day for gay activists, Newsweek claimed Barack Obama was considering a gay man for Secretary of the Navy, while the US stood alone amongst all Western nations in declining to sign a UN declaration calling for worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality.  These articles demonstrate the tremendous ideological rift between the current and future administrations, and the hope President-elect Obama brings to those seeking true equality and human rights.

Though personally appalled by Obama's campaign stance against gay marriage, I believe if he'd openly backed it he may not have won the primary, never mind the general election.

Sure, a stand for gay marriage would've made a brave statement. But it wouldn't have won Obama any votes, as he already had an overwhelming lead amongst very liberal voters. However, in the toss-up swing counties of rural Ohio and Pennsylvania, there's a good chance a pro-gay marriage stance would've lost Obama much swing-vote support.

Now, with the President-elect vetting an openly gay man for the Secretary of the Navy position, it seems Obama's stance against gay marriage may've been a matter of saying what was necessary to get elected. After all, if he can overturn the silly "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding gays in the military, one can only assume a pro-gay marriage shift can't be far behind.

This will anger many Americans. For whatever reason, they feel marriage is some sacred sacrament, open only to god-fearing heterosexuals. Of course, this is purely discrimination. I could go point by point here, talking about how marriage is a declining institution, but it has already been done elsewhere.

So: What are we afraid of? Are we horrified by the idea of homosexual lovers prancing along the front lines of Iraq? Because if history tells us anything, it's that soldiers participating in homosexual relationships (the sacred band of Thebes, the Spartans, Achilles and Patroclus, Alexander the Great) make pretty damned good warriors.

Are we worried that as homosexuality becomes more acceptable, more will "become" homosexual? Because history has shown us that, even when homosexuality was an accepted fact of life, the human race had no trouble breeding itself to dangerous proportions. Believe it or not, heterosexuality and heterosexual marriage won't die out with the institution of gay marriage and decriminalization of homosexuality.

Or, is it that scenes like the one above make us uncomfortable?

You know, some states in this country STILL legally discriminate against sexual orientation. Yet Mexico (the country right-wing pundits always talk down as a corrupt Third World nation) signed the landmark UN declaration. You tell me which country seems more a cornerstone of human rights.

After Premier Bush finally leaves office (he's only got little more than a month left. WOOHOO!), this country needs to take a critical look at itself and its racial, religious, and sexual prejudices. Though President-elect Obama will bring serious change (and hopefully a Civil Rights Act-like Sexual Equality Act) during his first term, I hope he doesn't let we, as a nation, off the hook for our collective bigotry.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

KY: Not Just for Females

I've received some flak for mentioning KY brand lubricants in my last blog. Seems someone was a little upset that I lacked a certain sensitivity for those suffering with vaginal dryness.

Well, let me preface this retort by saying I apologize for nothing. Vaginal dryness remains one of those unpleasant facts of life (like farting and premature ejaculation) that nobody wants brought to the fore.

But let's talk about it here. This is somewhat an open forum. We can talk about whatever we choose.

Ok. This isn't an open forum at all. This is my little dictatorship, and I rule it with an iron fist.

But hey: If you want to discuss dry vaginas, I'm all for it. Though let's not talk too much... I'm getting a none too pleasant mental image of cute nonagenarian actress Ellen Albertini Dow in coitus.

Eww. That just wasn't right. I apologize for that one.

The funny thing about this whole KY snafu is that the lubricant could work for either Madonna or A-Rod. And after the ass-raping she received in divorce court, I think A-Rod's going to need the KY. Makes the strap-on sink in so much easier.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Madonna, Hang it Up Already

There's been a lot in the news about Madonna's big money divorce from director Guy Ritchie. And the more I hear (and see) of her, the more I wish she'd just go away.

Let's face it. Madonna's good days are LOOONNNNNG behind her. Yet she insists on heading out of one of her many mansions in next to nothing other than fifty pounds of makeup. Everywhere I look, somebody's talking about what a great body she has for her age, what awesome biceps, legs, etc.

Well, I don't know about you, but when I see Madonna, I see Skeletor's evil queen. Veiny ladies just aren't hot. They're manly.

Furthermore, she's one of the most disingenuous people on the planet. Such a chameleon she's become a caricature of herself. I remember seeing an interview with her a few years ago when she busted out a British accent. She's kidding no one but herself by dressing in skimpy clothes and cowboy hats. No longer a trend-setter, Madonna's a walking punchline.

Let's get something perfectly clear, here. I'm not saying fifty plus year old women can't be hot. Quite the contrary. For example, I think Helen Mirren is hot, and she's sixty-three.

What I am saying is that Madonna isn't hot. In fact, she's downright disgusting.

And what's the deal with A-Rod going out with her? As if I needed another reason to hate the Yankees, this moron trades in his absolute smokeshow wife for a waning shade of her former self. Talk about trading up.

I just don't get it. A-Rod's the highest paid player in baseball, so it's not like he needs the money. And having Madonna on your arm is no longer a prestige piece: More like escorting Joan Rivers to those red carpet events. But hey: Whatever floats your boat. Just remember to pack the KY, A-Rod. You're going to need it.