About a year ago, a friend of mine and I were talking sports over Dark & Stormy's.Well, let's clarify that. I talked sports, and my friend talked Noam Chomsky. He specifically spoke at length about Chomsky's belief that sports take the place of religion in a secular society, and both are, as Marx put it, "opiates for the masses".
Long story short, my friend doesn't follow sports. And I do.
Fanatically.
Put it this way. When the scene in this picture occurred, I was screaming with manic devotion at that fucking pussy Gay-Rod, demanding Varitek to drive and plant that pretty son of a bitch into that hallowed Fenway turf, a tombstone commemorating the death of Yankee domination.
Wait. What am I saying? Manic devotion? Hallowed? Tombstones? What the hell is wrong with me?
And that's not the end of it. Along with my beloved Sox, I closely follow the Pats, Bruins, Celtics, Revolution, British Soccer (Liverpool), Thoroughbred racing, International soccer, boxing, mixed martial arts. Hell, I'd follow beer pong tourneys if they were televised. Basically, if it's competitive, I'll watch, follow, and back it.
Which brings us to tonight and the dual Playoff blow: The Celtics lost, falling a game behind the Magic, and the Bruins lost again, falling two behind the Hurricanes. Tonight, I feel somewhat like how I felt when my first girlfriend cheated on me with some gangly, goofy motherfucking dishwasher: Physically ill.
Therein lies the problem. This stuff makes me sick! I literally fell into a deep depression after the Pats lost to the Giants in the Super Bowl. When the Sox lost to the Yankees on Aaron Boone's homer a few years back, I puked, and felt like hiding in my room for days. Just a few weeks ago, when Liverpool was eliminated from the Champions league by Chelsea, I found myself crestfallen, contemplating the tides and wondering just how long it would take to drown.
And now here I am, a bald, goateed man on the verge... of puking, crying...
... or ecstasy? Maybe? Please sweet baby Jesus... let the Bruins win.
Wait. Jesus? What am I saying? Something's definitely wrong with me. Garcon, another Mint Julep, please. I feel a bender coming on.
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6 comments:
Celtic Won Tho
last night, miracle of miracles! the celtics, bruins, and sox all won. but when this column was posted (friday), both the celtics and bruins lost.
i'm about ready to puke
i'm about ready to puke
I'd just like to point out, that you think you're so smart and 'you've worked behind a bar'...yet you've made a mistake.
The reason that You put a lime wedge in the top of the Corona bottle isn't for flavour, rather because they do it in Mexico to stop flies getting in the beer, and it's carried over to here.
I'd just like to point out, that you think you're so smart and 'you've worked behind a bar'...yet you've made a mistake.
The reason that You put a lime wedge in the top of the Corona bottle isn't for flavour, rather because they do it in Mexico to stop flies getting in the beer, and it's carried over to here.
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